Mob Squad: Episode 1 ScriptEdit
Cooper is walking through the forest
Cooper: On my daily stroll, oh. On my daily stroll. A stroll in the woods is so much fun when I'm on my daily stroll, oh. Oh hello Mr. Tree, hello Mr. Grass, hello Mr... what the f*ck.
He sees Steve come out of his house
Cooper: Oh my goodness, what evil is this.
Steve kills a nearby sheep. Cooper screams and runs off. The others are back at the cave.
Cameron: Who put that block here.
Phil: Cameron who the f*ck do you think put that block there. You. You're the only goddamn person here who can move blocks.
Cameron: I would never put a block right there.
Marcus: Cameron, you put the block there.
Phil: I said that. Marcus, Marcus. I said that.
Marcus: He put the...
Phil: He put the, he put the block there you're absolutely right now just sh...
Kirby: Now you boys quit arguing over there it don't matter if the boy put the block down.
Lyle: Let's just say if you didn't put the block there, where do you think the block then should go.
Cameron: (Talks with Cooper's muffled calls in the background.) Alright. Now we're getting somewhere.
Cooper: You guys gotta come see this there's this thing in the forest.
Phil: Woa, woa, woa. What do you mean a thing.
Cooper: I ain't see nothing like it before but there's a creature living in it.
Phil: But we've seen every creature in the land.
Cooper: You've never seen anything like this it's a monster.
Phil: Alright alright alright.
Lyle: What did it do to make it be a monster.
Cooper: He killed a sheep.
Phil: Alright it might not be to bad of an idea to go there, introduce ourselves...
Cooper: You don't wanna introduce yourself to this thing, he's a vast murderer, he commited sheep genocide.
Phil: He killed one sheep.
Cooper: Yeah he killed the one. It was a holocaust.
Phil: Ok, that is not a holocaust. He killed one.
Lyle: Now listen Phil. What are we gonna about them right now.
Phil: There's gotta be an explination for why he killed that sheep, let's just go over there and talk to him.
That night they go over to Steve's house.
Phil: Ok, so this is the place.
Cooper: I'm staying back here, I ain't going anywhere near.
Phil: Alright, alright.
Lyle; How are we gonna do this.
Cameron: Mabye we should get in a line so when he comes out and sees the one guy...
Lyle: We don't want to make him feel like he's being threatened, mabye we should have someone who's a little bit more friendly looking.
Marcus steps forwards, Phil pulls him back.
Phil: No, definetly no.
Marcus: I will..
Phil: No, nooo.
Cameron: Oh would you look at that block over there.
Phil: No, I'm not gonna look at blocks.
Cameron: I'm gonna move that.
Phil: Err, someone not scary, who's friendly. Err... Kirby!
Kirby: Yeah, I'll go talk to him.
Cooper: He's gonna die!
Phil: Shut the f*ck up he's not gonna die!
Steve opens the door and sees Kirby
Kirby: Oh hello ther, my name is Kirby.
Steve continuously hits Kirby until he's dead
Cooper: I F*CKING KNEW IT, IT'S GENOCIDE!
Marcus: SHEEP KILLER!
Everyone runs around screaming.
The next day everyone is back at the cave, except Kirby.
Cameron: Oh, they killed Kirby.
Cooper: Kirby's dead.
Lyle: What the hell are we gonna do here. What the hell are we gonna do.
Phil: This is our land damnit. There's only one of that Mother f*cker.
Cooper: Phil is right. This is our territory.
Lyle: We need a pack. We need to do something about this together.
Cameron: Right we need to make a vow right here today.
Lyle: A vow.
Cameron: We will not sleep.
Lyle: We have to sleep. We gotta sleep a little bit.
Cameron: Ok, but we will not stop until this man is killed. Cooper: Are we a team now? What do we call ourselves?
Marcus: Team. Team, we're team.
Phil: No we're not just team.
Marcus: The team. Cooper: What if we're a squad.Like a Mob squad.
Phil: Hey! That's good. Mob squad.
Cooper: That's good. I said it. I said it. It's what we are. It's final.
Cooper: F*ck you it's final.
Phil: That settles it. We're the Goddamn Mob squad.
Cooper: And we're gonna kill that Mother f*cker.
END OF EPISODE